you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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