Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
