she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
