ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
