he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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