then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
