I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
