He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
