So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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