he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
