i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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