And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
