the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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