If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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