She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
