i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
