If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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