Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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