mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
