that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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