Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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