I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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