it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You smell like stripper and shame
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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