How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's great music for shaving your balls
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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