I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
