you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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