shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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