that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
