bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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