just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
