I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
