he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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