The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
