Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
