I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
