My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
