Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
