and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
