His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
