theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
