I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
