and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
