It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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