Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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