chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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