he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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