I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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