Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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