My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
