Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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