Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
