Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize