I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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