Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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