I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
