I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
zippers are such a cool invention
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
