i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
