She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
