So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
