ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
