so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
