if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
