new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
