It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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