I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
